a lot of thoughts running thru my mind
these past few days.
my classmates told me that i've changed a lot from
my usual self last semester.
i told them that i AM my usual self.
last semester was only a front i put up.
that means that they have to get to know me
all over again.
cant be bothered with how they think of me, anymore.
i know that academically, i'm moving a lot faster than
my old friends.
but socially, i'm being left behind.
yes, i know that a select few are waiting for me to catch up.
but they can only wait for so long.
'cos they know as well as i do that
once u're out,
it's hard to get back in.
when i listen to my friends relating about their day in school,
i cant help but feel envious.
their curriculum allows them time to socialise and bond among themselves.
but for me, we only interact to do group assignments, and that's 'bout it.
so when they ask me about MY day,
i dont tell them much.
not because i dont want to.
it's because i cant.
all that i can tell them is this,
"slacked at home, went to school, come back, go to work, come back, sleep."
and that's about it.
talk about meaningless.
my daily schedule is so packed that i cant take a break without planning for it
a week in advance.
no joke.
i so badly want to get out of this gridlock,
but i cant.
well, you cant have everything.
anyway, if you want to experience how i feel,
here's a similar situation:
there's a pathway next to a fast-flowing river.
while you take a kayak to the end of the river, alone,
a group of your friends take the pathway to the same place.
since you can only pedal so slow, and
they can only walk so fast,*
you leave them behind after a while.
though you reach the destination 1st,
you still have to wait for them.
loneliness settles in and you start losing it.
meanwhile,
your friends are walking along the path,
joking, laughing, singing amongst themselves.
and when they reach the place,
know what they find?
a raving lunatic that they used to call
"a friend".
--+--
i think i'm somewhere between * and the one below it.
sigh...
what do you think?
Ad@m360 | 3:47 PM |